Very few people, if any, expect a marriage to end in divorce when they first
get married. Yet, divorce statistics tell us that nearly half of all
marriages will end in divorce. When a marriage is over, it can be very
difficult to begin to move on. Fortunately, there are some things that you
can do to make it through the rough times.
Many people feel as though they are ready to move on immediately after a
marriage is over, without fully working through the healing and recovery
process. Divorce can be severely debilitating. It can disrupt your life on
many levels, from work to your social life to your physical health. The
journey to healing after a marriage is over is a long one, and it is not
easy. However, by dealing with your divorce, you can ultimately find
yourself in a much better place; eventually, you will make it through the
rough times and be able to move on.
When a person goes through any traumatic experience, such as marriage
ending, it is important to try to get control of their life and emotions.
To heal after a divorce, you must stop seeing yourself as a victim.
Recognize that you alone are responsible for your fate; however
circumstances may treat you, it is still up to you how you will go forward.
It is up to you to decide whether you will learn from mistakes, or whether
you will be crippled by them. Create an action plan that includes all areas
of your life. Commit to your physical well-being by taking care of your
body through a healthy, balanced diet and exercise. The connection between
your physical and mental and emotional health is a strong one; when one is
failing, the others often fall behind as well. By gaining a sense of
control, you will be better able to make it through the rough times.
Part of gaining control after a marriage is over is restoring and/or
maintaining a positive self image. Even if you are the one that initiated
the divorce, the feelings of failure and betrayal that accompany divorce can
overwhelm you sense of who you are. It is important to keep these feelings
in perspective. Don’t put yourself down now; what is done is done, and it
cannot be undone. Going forward, you need to have your bearings about you.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Try to focus on the things that you can
do, even the small things. Every day that you get out of bed is one more
day that you are further in the recovery process, and one more sign that you
are learning how to heal after your divorce, and are ready to move on.
Divorce not only hurts the parties involved, it can hurt their friends and
family, especially the children. If you have children, don’t let them
become pawns in a struggle between your ex and you. Often, by focusing on
the needs of others, we are able to move past our own problems. Don’t
overcompensate, but make sure that you are being a good parent by taking
care of your children and by making sure that they know that, no matter what
happens, you love them and have their best interests at heart. You have to
help them heal after divorce, as well.
Part of healing after a divorce is just getting out of the house from time
to time. Isolation only leads deeper into depression; get out with your
friends and your family. When you get invited to an activity, force
yourself to go if you have to; in the end, time that you spend with other
relationships will very much help you deal with divorce.
If you are having an extremely difficult time, you should seek professional
help. A therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, or religious
leader may be able to help you make it through the rough times as well.