Divorce can be severely debilitating. It can disrupt your life on many
levels, from work to your social life to your physical health. The journey
to healing after a divorce is a long one, and it is not easy. However, by
dealing with your divorce, you can ultimately find yourself in a much better
WHen a person goes through any traumatic experience, such as divorce, it is
important to try to get control of their life and emotions. To heal after a
divorce, you must stop seeing yourself as a victim. Recognize that you
alone are responsible for your fate; however circumstances may treat you,
it is still up to you how you will go forward. It is up to you to decide
whether you will learn from mistakes, or whether you will be crippled by
them. Create an action plan that includes all areas of your life. Commit
to your physical well-being by taking care of your body through a healthy,
balanced diet and exercise. The connection between your physical and mental
and emotional health is a strong one; when one is failing, the others often
fall behind as well.
Part of gaining control after a divorce is restoring and/or maintaining a
positive self image. Even if you are the one that initiated the divorce,
the feelings of failure and betrayal that accompany divorce can overwhelm
you sense of who you are. It is important to keep these feelings in
perspective. Don’t put yourself down now; what is done is done, and it
cannot be undone. Going forward, you need to have your bearings about you.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Try to focus on the things that you can
do, even the small things. Every day that you get out of bed is one more
day that you are further in the recovery process, and one more sign that you
are learning how to heal after your divorce.
Divorce not only hurts the parties involved, it can hurt their friends and
family, especially the children. If you have children, don’t let them
become pawns in a struggle between your ex and you. Often, by focusing on
the needs of others, we are able to move past our own problems. Don’t
overcompensate, but make sure that you are being a good parent by taking
care of your children and by making sure that they know that, no matter what
happens, you love them and have their best interests at heart. You have to
help them heal after divorce, as well.
Part of healing after a divorce is just getting out of the house from time
to time. Isolation only leads deeper into depression; get out with your
friends and your family. When you get invited to an activity, force
yourself to go if you have to; in the end, time that you spend with other
relationships will very much help you deal with divorce.
If you are having an extremely difficult time, you should seek professional
help. A therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, or religious
leader may be able to help you to begin or speed up the healing process