Divorce can be one of the most traumatic experiences that a person can go
through. No one enters a marriage believing that it will end, yet almost
half of all marriages do end in divorce. Dealing with a divorce is never
easy. However, there are some things that you can do to make the process of
divorce and recovery go as smooth as it possibly can.
The first and perhaps most important thing to do in dealing with a divorce
is to try to maintain a positive self image. Even if you are the one that
initiated the divorce, the feelings of failure and betrayal that accompany
divorce can overwhelm you sense of who you are. It is important to keep
these feelings in perspective. Don’t put yourself down now; what is done
is done, and it cannot be undone. Going forward, you need to have your
bearings about you. Stop comparing yourself to others. Try to focus on the
things that you can do, even the small things. Every day that you get out
of bed is one more day that you are further in the recovery process, and one
more sign that you are learning how to deal with divorce.
After a divorce, it is important to take charge of your own life. Stop
seeing yourself as a victim. Recognize that you alone are responsible for
your fate; however circumstances may treat you, it is still up to you how
you will go forward. It is up to you to decide whether you will learn from
mistakes, or whether you will be crippled by them. Create an action plan
that includes all areas of your life. Commit to your physical well-being by
taking care of your body through a healthy, balanced diet and exercise.
If you have children, don’t let them become pawns in a struggle between your
ex and you. Often, by focusing on the needs of others, we are able to move
past our own problems. Don’t overcompensate, but make sure that you are
being a good parent by taking care of your children and by making sure that
they know that, no matter what happens, you love them and have their best
interests at heart.
Get out of the house from time to time. Isolation only leads deeper into
depression; get out with your friends and your family. When you get
invited to an activity, force yourself to go if you have to; in the end,
time that you spend with other relationships will very much help you deal
If you are having an extremely difficult time, you should seek professional
help. A therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, or religious
leader may be able to help you work through some of your needs and feelings.
The journey to recovery after divorce is a long one, and it is not easy.
However, by dealing with your divorce, you can ultimately find yourself in a
much better place.