Dear Rebecca,
Hello my little girl. Where should mommy begin? I wish that you were here, I wish that i could hold you, hear you cry, see you laugh. But I
can only imagine these things. What a beautiful smile you would have; just like your big sister. God has given me two angels, one here on earth and one in heaven. I wish it wasn't thar way.
Sometimes mommy feels like it's her fault this happened; if I wouldn't have done this or done that you'd be here right now. They say it's not my fault' there was nothing I could have done; but I don't feel that way, I probably never will.
You were my little girl, are my little girl Not an angel. That may sound selfish, But I don't care. I wish I could be selfish and have you here in your crib, wearing your clothes, your diapers, waking me up every three hours, and playing with Victoria. But you're not and I feel robbed.
I look at your crib and I wish you were there sleeping peacefully; but all I can do is wish. I took it for granted that you were here; almost ready for this world. I can keep askng why, but nobody can answer, nobody can tell me why, so I create the why in my mind.
Victoria asks about the baby and right now I can't bring myself to tell her you won't be here, you won't be coming home. And home is where you should be, where you belong.
I'm glad I got to hold you, if only for a little while. But it wasn't enough, I'm greedy I want more, a lifetime more. I can't have that though, I can only think about it, every day of my life. I wish that I could trade places with you, I've lived my life, but this is the way it worked out, not what I wanted, not what anybody wanted, but what can I do? I can't bring you back, no matter how hard I would try, there's nothing i can do. That's what's so bad, the helplessness. I will miss you and love you always!
I LOVE YOU REBECCA!
LOVE,
Mommy
(c) traci swinehart All Rights Reserved
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