I just spent an hour or so ripping apart Olivia's room looking for a spider
that bit her this morning. I saw a black or brown spider on her door last
night and when George saw it he knocked it off and it crawled under her door.
She was sleeping so we didn't want to go after it. I wish I had. Her hand
was swollen and red this morning and there was an apparent bite mark in the
middle of it. I got hysterical tonight when my mother said it could have been
a Brown Recluse and to keep and eye on it. It will become "infected looking"
if it was. I called our doctor and they only told me what to look for if it
was and in what time frame we could tell. I only wanted to have someone tell
me that they don't come around here. They do but they aren't out in the open
hanging out on doors. I had had it! I had burned part of dinner and I was so
upset that I didn't want to eat anyway. I lost it. I just sat down on the
couch and cried my eyes out and prayed. I asked God that if it was a "bad"
spider that I would find it and if not I would calm down. Well, I didn't find
it and I did calm down after talking to my aunt for a while. I told her she
was better than Valium. She laughed.
On a lighter note, I went to the doctor today and everything is great. My
blood pressure is a little high for me so they will watch that but I have only
gained 8 lb so far!!! Yea! The heartbeat was 126 so it fits the wives tale
for a boy. I have also officially "popped"! I feel enormous! I am
carrying low too so maybe it is a boy. Or maybe it is just a very clever
girl. If he or she is anything like her sister I am in for a wonderful ride!
I love her so much. I hope she knows it. How do you know if you are a good
mother? I wonder if I spend enough time with her. Do I let her play on her
own too much? Am I too cross with her? How do you know? I think the
hormones and lack of sleep are making me a little too insecure.
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