I'm three days late but the *&%$#@% pregnancy tests keep reading
negative!!!!!!
Okay, Hope, breathe. Oh forget it. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN. I'm never late,
and I have no signs that it's about to show up. My joints continue to
pop out every few minutes which is very unusual. I'm pretty sure I'm
pregnant but I'm so afraid that I'm not that I don't want to believe
that I might be. Oh god I hate this not knowing. I felt a bit more
tired than usual, but I'm always tired. My breasts are a bit
uncomfortable, but I keep thinking that maybe I'm just hyper-aware of
them because I want them to be sore so that I'll have more evidence. My
stomach has been a bit queezy at times but that could just mean that I
accidentally had some milk product. Mostly I'm just trying to convince
myself that I'm not pregnant even though I think I am. I so badly want
to be.
So my plan of action is this: I'm going to beg my doctor's secretary to
squeeze me in tomorrow morning and then beg my doctor to do a blood
test. If the secretary gives me a hard time I'll just mention my
high-risk status (maybe there is advantages!). I'm sure Dr. Moss will
forgive me.
I want so much to tell David about my suspicians but I really want to
surprise him. He is not only my husband but also my best friend. I'm
terrible at keeping secrets. I was talking to my mom yesterday and we
were discussing how much her and I want me to be pregnant but I couldn't
tell her that I was late.
I'll update soon, hopefully with good news.
Hope
|