Click here for some great mommmy and baby freebies from BabiesOnline.com

Main Page Site Index Getting Pregnant Pregnancy Parenting Pregnancy and Parenting Journals Fertility Nutrition Pregnant Moms Morning Sickness Women's Health Child Health	The Cost of Kids by Bruce Watson I've always known that children are costly creatures. They'll steal your heart. They'll rob your time. They'll run up an emotional debt as long as your arm. But last week I was shocked by that annual statistic on the cost of parenthood. $149,820! That's what the Department of Agriculture says it costs to raise a child from birth to age 17. Housing is the biggest chunk of change, but there's also food (all those Cheerios add up) and transportation (kids in the backseat can ruin your mileage). And of course, kids cost a small fortune in diapers, day care, Beanie Babies, and three tons of little plastic toys that do nothing but lie around the floor till you step on them and your kids burst into tears. Those who calculate cost of parenting should remember that parenthood is like dining at a French restaurant. The smells are strong, the flavors are subtle, and if you have to ask how much it costs, you shouldn't be there. $149,820 is a fortune. But that's just Accounts Payable. What about Accounts Receivable? Only last week, my son picked up a stick and shouted "Ladies and gentlemen! We need some music here!" Then he began strumming and singing "I've Been Workin' On the Railroad." At the going prices, Nate's concert was worth $35 a ticket. The concert was followed by a living room dress rehearsal of "The Lion King," for which my front row seat would have cost $258 on Broadway. And my riches just kept flowing. The next day at lunchtime, when I should have been adding up the cost of bread, butter, and cheddar, I was explaining why our favorite lunch is not called a "gorilla cheese sandwich." Later, when my daughter put unicorn stickers on my underwear, I wore them all over town. I was the only one who knew I had unicorns in hidden places. These and other events lowered my stress level, saving me a $50,000 bypass operation. On Saturday, my daughter did a painting that bore a remarkable resemblance to a late Picasso. We taped it on the wall, saving $10.4 million at current Sotheby's rates. Beside it, we hung Nate's latest work, a splatter painting in the manner of Jackson Pollock. Value: $4.8 million. Other parents may shell it out, but we rake it in. I receive endless incremental payments, small change that adds up. On tired nights, the mere sight of a three-year-old in pajamas, with blanket, is worth any expense in diapers and day care. But if bills are still bothering me, I can always creep upstairs and gaze down on them, asleep, the Lion King and her brother. This alone offsets any number of mortgage payments. Calculated at approximately $22.95 per hug, I took in nearly $500 last week. It may not be much, but for lack of this little line item, men have died, given up, or wandered into affairs, financial and otherwise. All week long, my kids made my fortune. And then when I thought I'd earned as much as I could without being boosted to a higher tax bracket, we were downtown crossing the street. Suddenly, both my children reached up and took my hands. No Department of Agriculture analyst would dare put a price on this. So you see, I have been living off my kids for years and have acquired a huge cash surplus. I expect I'll spend much of it during their adolescence. But in the meantime, though each will cost me $149,820 between birth and age 17, my children more than pay for themselves. I am richer for all my tribe. A Little About Bruce Watson Along with being a frequent contributor to Smithsonian, Bruce Watson is a full-time father of two children who keep him sane. A collection of his humorous essays, "Info-Aged" was published last year. Samples are available on his website, http://www.crocker.com/~bwatson/.