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Main Page Site Index Getting Pregnant Pregnancy Parenting Pregnancy and Parenting Journals Fertility Nutrition Pregnant Moms Morning Sickness Women's Health Child Health	Our Family Bed by Paula Refici Cummings I’m making a quilt for my son. He will need it when he moves into his own room. I want this quilt to give him the same feeling of warmth and security that he felt while sleeping beside me. As I stitch the squares together by hand, I think about our family bed. Once my husband and I overcame some of our concerns about this sleeping arrangement, we found it to be the highlight of our parenting experience. I’m glad that we discovered this alternative to the crib. Before our son was born, I thought the only place a baby could sleep is a crib. Next to our bed was the cradle I slept in when I was an infant. My parents held on to it all these years. Now it had a fresh coat of white paint and new sheets. Our first night at home, we laid our newborn in the cradle. He wouldn’t fall asleep. So we rocked, walked, nursed, burped, and changed him, then set him back in the cradle. He still didn’t doze off. And so the process repeated until sometime near dawn, when he fell asleep while lying on my chest, listening to my heartbeat. It seemed easier to lay him down in our bed the next night, and every night since. We all slept better in our family bed. I’ve been staying up late in the evenings, stitching large denim squares by hand. It’s taking a long time to come together. I could just drive to Walmart and buy a comforter. But it wouldn’t have the same meaning as a hand-sewn quilt. Our first concern about sharing a bed with our son was his safety. To keep him from suffocating, we kept pillows and blankets away from him. And we discovered that even while asleep, we were aware of his presence. So we could dismiss our fears of rolling over on our child. I also worried that it was wrong to let our son sleep with us. "When are you going to put him in a crib?" friends and relatives asked. One evening I set him in the crib which a friend gave us. After winding up the mobile, I left the room. I sat on the floor in the hallway, in the dark. I don’t know who cried harder, me or him. When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I picked him up and brought him to my bed. I couldn’t let him "cry it out," as many experts advised. I felt like a bad parent. Everyone I knew laid their children in cribs, and the parenting books weren’t much help. At least not until I read Nighttime Parenting by Dr. Sears. In time, I met a few moms who also shared their beds with their children. Just knowing that we weren’t the only ones helped me to accept the family bed as a valid alternative to the crib. This is my first quilt. I’ve been wanting to make one for years, but I was always too afraid of making mistakes. Now I understand that it doesn’t take an expert to sew a quilt. I will learn as I go, as a quilter and as a parent. My husband and I loved sharing our bed with our son - knowing he was safe, and being able to cuddle him all night. My husband only got to spend a few waking hours each day with our child, so he especially enjoyed the bond that formed between them by slumbering together. "This is my favorite time of day," my husband of ten whispered just before falling asleep. I would lie awake some nights just to listen to the two of them breathing in the same rhythm. I’ve heard that it’s hard to wean a child from the parents’ bed. I think they meant for the parents, not the child. We took a small step a few months ago by moving our son into his own bed, right beside ours. He sleeps well by himself most nights, but my husband and I really miss having him between us. It’s hard to admit that he’s not a baby anymore. I sew another square in place, and I think about how each choice we make becomes part of the fabric of our lives. Our goal is to make our lives beautiful, meaningful, and most of all, filled with love. Just like this quilt. Paula Cummings is a freelance writer. You can find links to her work through her website http://members.aol.com/paucu/page/index.htm