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Family Bed by Lucie Douban I confess. When my sister told me how nice it was to have her son, who was well into infancy heading toward toddlerhood, sleep in the bed with her and her husband, I rolled my eyes. And I laughed. And I argued self-assuredly about why the so-called family bed was such a rotten idea. When I had my own child, I received plenty of friendly advice in favor of cosleeping. Still, my baby was going to sleep in a crib in her own room. Anything else would be absolutely unthinkable. That is, it was until last December when we were forced, in a sense, to consider the other side. We hadn't even arrived at my parents' house, and already the holidays were getting off to an awkward start. The morning of our flight, bad weather conditions led to the closing off of all the major highways in our area. We had never known any other route to the airport, and so with city map in hand and our wailing 13-month-old daughter in the back seat, we zoomed across icy roads and bridges riding on the small hope that we might--just might--catch our flight that was scheduled to leave in 15 minutes. Meanwhile, I kept getting the feeling that we might have been forgetting something--nothing huge as in "Home Alone" (I'm not that absent-minded), but something more important than my multivitamins. Oh well, I thought, it's probably nothing. We made it, and just as the fasten seat belt sign appeared in the cabin, a similar light bulb seemed to go off in my husband's head. "We didn't bring the travel playpen," he said in a near-panicked state. Suddenly we both wished those oxygen masks would fall from the ceiling so as not to hyperventilate. Now I realized why it seemed we were traveling so light on our way to the airport. I wanted to kick myself for having forgotten something so big. Actually, the thing collapsed into a rectangular cube the size of a large handbag, but it was huge in that it was important. We used it as a portable crib when we traveled so as not to have to worry about the baby rolling off of a bed. And we didn't need to consider making our bed "the family bed" ever again--until now. It was surprising, almost irritating how well she took to the new sleeping arrangement, and all I could think was that it would take weeks once we were home again to undo the damage caused by her bunking with us for a week--a new habit to have to break. At home, she had her room and we had ours. Besides, we were used to a certain sleep routine: I'd put her in her crib, she'd cry in protest for a minute or two, babble quietly to herself, and eventually drift off to sleep. In our bed, she'd do all of that minus the crying. In fact, just about every nap time and bedtime came about peacefully. I don't know if it was the safety she felt in having us nearby, or the warmth of mom and dad as she dozed off. Whatever it was, she was better off for it, and so, in turn, were we. Then something strange happened. As the days wore on, I found myself ambivalently anticipating the return home. Sure I missed my house, my shower, my bed, but even so, I felt as if something would be missing when Jenna goes back to sleep in her room. It's not something tangible--just the way I watched her gaze fix on me and grow heavy in the moments before she'd fall asleep. Or the way I'd listen to her pure soft breaths, short and sweet while she drifted off to dreamland. Or the feel of her little arm latched around my neck as if to ensure my presence next to her. She'd wake up during the night, sometimes as many as 3 times, but instead of the sharp, piercing wail that often marked her awakening at home, she'd simply lift her head and with her eyes half-open, go back to sleep without a sound. Yes, I'll miss that. And what's more, I promised myself never to scoff at those who choose to make their bed the family bed. Because now when they describe the joys of having baby sleep next to you, I can simply nod my head--I know the feeling. We still agree that cosleeping isn't for us at home, but we certainly won't panic when we forget the playpen the next time we travel. In fact, we just might forget it all together. That way we can almost guarantee a good night's rest while we're away, not to mention sweet dreams.
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