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 Main Page Site Index Getting Pregnant Pregnancy Parenting Pregnancy and Parenting Journals 
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Michele When I was first diagnosed, I was fairly young (21 years old). I felt the urge to share my details with everyone - friends, family, co-workers. Part of me imagined myself making great strides to wake people up to the reality and normality of IVF. I told myself that by telling ten people, the possibility existed that at least one of those people would come across another friend or family member facing the same challenges. I envisioned myself an advocate for infertility treatments, of sorts. I tolerated the ignorant questions ("Why can't you give all of this up and just adopt?"), rude commentary ("I could never do that to myself! You're crazy!"), and downright ignorant fools ("If you were as fertile with babies as you are with your garden - you'd have 12 by now!!"). Offsetting the bad, were the rewards of being so public. I had people to share my ups and downs with, support flowing from every place I turned, and ample opportunities to vent and purge the frustrations from my system, without having to bombard my poor husband with 100% of it. With age, comes reason; priorities change, and attitudes reflect that. We started to realize that my in-laws were using my situation to have something to talk about at family functions. It's one thing for us to decide who and what to tell - another for someone to take it upon themselves to divulge details to everyone within earshot - even people we don't care for or trust. I grew very conscious of being a "freak show", and of walking into a room only to have conversation stop. We often withhold cycle details now - what little they are aware of is controlled by us. We have made it clear that it is a private matter.
Through it all, I have found the best support system of all - the friends I have made (and continue to make) on the computer. I have thrown myself headfirst into the support chains that exist on the message boards, and wouldn't have it any other way. It's easier to decide when you're ready to talk about things, and when you're not up to turning on the power to the computer - much different than running into people on a down day at the grocery store, only to be bombarded with questions you're not up to answering. The feelings expressed are phenomenal, and I couldn't say how many times I've popped in to the boards and been bowled over with "My gosh! I feel that way too!!!" Everyone is there for each other, and the ability to sit down, late at night in your pajamas, and bare your soul is unbeatable. Denise I have tried to share the my feelings with family and friends and I really feel that it has been little help. Family and friends are just as likely to say ignorant things. About the repeated miscarriages - "well, at least you weren't too far along", about the repeated need for surgery "if it was me I would accept it and move on" and about adoption "why don't you just adopt" This has been the worst 3 years of my life. Just this Christmas, my family and friends asked how I was - even though I had a miscarriage mid Dec, and had Dec 20 to remove an ovary. How do they think I would be feeling. Becca We started ttc in May of 1998 when I was 21 years old. Boy was I mislead thinking it would work that first month. I started to panic about March of 1999. The minute we decided to ttc I immediately went to my family (which consists of two sisters, and a brother, and mom & dad) and told them the good news. They were so excited! What a blow it was to finally go back to them a year later and say that my Dr. has to start infertility testing. I can honestly say that I am so glad that I swallowed my pride and told them. As far as telling the details about diagnostic testing and cycle information only my mother and husband know. Many a time when a cycle doesn't work I dissolve into my mothers arms and just cry for hours. It brings me back to when I was 5 years old and she would just rock me back and forth. She even volunteers to go to certain Dr. appointments with me if my husband can't go. I couldn't of gone through these trials if I didn't have my families support. I have told friends here and there but they aren't nearly as supportive as my family. This has been the toughest trial I think I could have ever gone through in my life at this time. It has opened my eyes that my previous attitude of getting what I want NOW! is so wrong. I have learned patience and that is a great quality and hard quality to learn. I hope that by sharing my story it will help others out there struggling on their own with infertility that they can go to their family and find additional support that we so desperately need during these tough times. Thank you for letting me share my story.
Becca
Nancy H Ok, I'll take the plunge and try to explain my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I feel so old at 37 yrs and feel so sad that I wasn't able to start a family until I was 36. But God has plans for me and its up to me to obey His will although at times it can be hard. My ex-husband didn't want kids and that was one of the many reasons why we divorced. Although I went babycrazy when I was 28 and still married to him. In a small way, I'm glad we didn't get a chance to start a family because of the stress and the awful period of time I went through after our divorce. I wouldn't want to put any child through that. Now blessed with a loving and supportive husband, who is 5 yrs younger than me, the thought of infertility never occurred to me during the earlier years we were together. I can honestly say that in the past 4 yrs, I did notice a change in my cycle and wasn't getting AF as often as I should have but chalked that up to stress. (ie the death of my father, mother going into nursing home). I then went through thousands of blood tests and had to overcome non-alcoholic steato hepatitis, which meant any fertility medication would impact my already scarred liver and could develop into liver disease in my older years, meaning I may not live to see my child graduate high school. Like Michele who said she threw herself into support groups on the web, I too threw myself into research to overcome this hurdle and graduate to the next step of ttc. I learned about herbs and which ones could help or hurt and against all medical advice, I choose not to take the medication prescribed because there was no research anyone could find on how it would impact a developing fetus. This was a risk that I was willing to take and a gamble that thankfully has paid off. As for sharing my infertility, well I didn't really. Except here on TLOL and in my journal and maybe a few people. I guess I'm the kind of person who when confronted with a problem, I put my head down and do my best to plow through it. Typical Bull. :) But those few who did know some things couldn't possibly imagine the kind of mental agony I would put myself throw, very concerned that I was getting older and ttc would become even harder. And most of all that my child wouldn't know my parents. Most of my family and friends now know but only the details I want to share. No one except DH and my journal know the true extent and depths of my feelings.
This journal has been a kind of freedom for me and an immense
amount of support that sometimes DH can't provide.
Jennifer It is difficult to explain how you feel after months of trying. We told friends and family we were going to try to have children before I went off the pill. We were so excited to start a family, and wanted to tell the world. A mistake, in retrospect. Every month you would get the "Are you pregnant yet?" And alas, no. It does help to be able to talk to people about your situation, but I think it should be limited to family and close friends. I have gotten so tired of "Relax, it will happen in God's time." or "You're trying too hard." or "You are still young (28), you have lots of time." or my favorite, "What's the problem, just do it." After 20 months with no success I am now telling people we are taking a break if they ask. My husband is so tired of hearing about our cycle over and over again, that our marriage needed a break. I am off the Clomid and just monitoring my BBT to see if I continue to ovulate. I am at my wits end. We want a baby so badly that it has become an obsession. I think part of the problem would have be relieved had we not been so open about our wishes to conceive.
Jennifer in Arizona
Marci I was diagnosed with gonadal dysgenesis at age 17 (born without eggs in the ovaries). Not exactly something I wanted to go shouting from the roof tops to my friends and family. I actually begged my parents not to tell my brother or their friends. I felt ashamed and embarressed by my inability to do the most natural thing in the world, conceive a child. Over the next 10+ years I pursued my college education and career very hard. I basically felt like no body could want a woman that could not provide a child naturally. I avoided any type of deep relationship. I am now 31 and am 2 years into a wonderful relationship. I have become more open about my problem because so many of my friends that were supposed to be fine are now experiencing issues with infertility. My point-of-view and experiences have been able to help them through their problems, be it male or refmale infertility.
Recently I visited a Reproductive Endocrinologist to find out
what my options were, if any. I was excited to hear about the
strides made in this area and that I could potentially be able
to carry my own child with the aid of a donor.
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