Main Page
Site Index
Getting Pregnant
Pregnancy
Parenting
Pregnancy and Parenting Journals
Fertility
Nutrition
Pregnant Moms
Morning Sickness
Women's Health
Child Health
|
Click here if you would like to share your story with us.
Has infertility affected your relationship with your significant other? Did/do you pull together as a team to work through it, or have you found that you handle everything individually?
Michele
The coping styles and intimacy in our marriage have changed as a direct result of my infertility diagnosis. Initially, we treated at an IVF clinic out of state, and had to deal with hotel and traveling issues. Something about being far from home, with no jobs to distract either person, forces you to become very close during your cycle. But my husband was a "typical male" - once we were home for several days, things changed. Work kept us away from each other during the days, and by the time the blood results call would come, it was seemingly much more intense for me. There was an actual cycle where the day of the negative results he shocked me - within five minutes of hearing the news, he proceeded to talk about his difficult work day. I was shocked and hurt, but slowly came to realize that the intensity of the pain and loss were too difficult for him to bear; it was easier for him to immerse himself with other issues, simply because he couldn't make things right, or even better.
Eventually, we started treating at IVF clinics in state. This made it much more difficult for me - he continued to work, as time off on a daily basis wasn't necessary. I often felt as if I was going through it alone. The coping phase of the cycle, after a set of negative results is much different with these circumstances though - he allows himself to feel the pain and loss as he never has before. He is much more actively involved with support and addressing the feelings that knock us to our knees. I think I prefer things this way - soloing during the actual cycle, and working as a team when the results are known.
Infertility has taught us a lot about ourselves - it has shown us the hidden strengths we never knew we had. We have each seen the determination in each other, that might never have been present if we hadn't been "challenged" in this way. We have gained an important respect for each other. Most importantly - it has proven how much we mean to each other and how willing we are to stick life out through the hard times. We married very young, I had just turned 20 and Matt 22, and the odds were against us in the first place. Instead of growing up separately from each other, we grew up together, and learned how to handle some of the most stressful things in life. The whole infertility issue has sparked some horrible issues for us that have needed to be addressed, nasty discussions that have waged on for days, and major compromises that have had to be hammered out - but the good that has come of it is irreplaceable.
Nancy H
My husband and I have a wonderful relationship, based on
communication, love and respect. Now don't get me wrong and
think that he's the perfect husband. Believe me there have been
times when I tell him something and it goes in one ear and out
the other.
And sometimes I think trying to get pregnant is more for me than
him. We have discussed starting a family and I've asked him
several times if he thought he was ready to become a father.
And he would always answer yes and reassure me that he's
committed as I am to become parents. But for the most part,
I've had to do a lot on my own, battling doctors that prescribe
medication with no research on the side effects, going for blood
test after blood test, and talking to any doctor that would
listen about what I could do to further my desire to become
pregnant.
But the more I think about it, he's always been there, right
behind me, quiet and strong, ready to catch me if I fall. I
feel I am the stronger one in this marriage but when I become
too tired to fight any more or to angry to think straight, he's
there to reason things out for me or pick me up and carry me one
more step.
I have found that our combined strength, faith in God and our
sense of humor have added strong links to an already strong
marriage.
Dealing with my infertility issues, I guess, in some ways have
made us stronger. And I can't tell you how good it is to know I
can lean on someone when my heart is to tired.
|
|
|
if you have any questions or comments!