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Main Page Site Index Getting Pregnant Pregnancy Parenting Pregnancy and Parenting Journals Fertility Nutrition Pregnant Moms Morning Sickness Women's Health Child Health	A Way With Words by Cheryl Gochnauer You would think that an author, especially one with a degree in Mass/Speech Communication, would be able to clearly express themselves without being misinterpreted. But I'm here to tell you: It ain't so. Though I work with words everyday, I still occasionally manage to be misquoted or misunderstood. And I guarantee you'll eventually run into the same thing as you share with others your hopes and aspirations regarding being, or becoming, a stay-at-home mom. Look at these examples, and tell me if they sound familiar: You: "I want to spend more time with my family." Your Working Mother Friend: "You think you love your kids more than I do." You: "I want to quit work and raise my kids myself." Your Mother-in-Law: "You want my son to work like a dog so you can play all day." You: "I've found lots of ways we can cut our budget." Your Husband: "You don't think I'm a good enough provider." See all the possible negative responses to what you thought were positive comments? Before you know it, you're in a conflict, and you don't even know how you got there. It's a smart woman who invests in building her communication skills. Not only will it help her be a better mother, it will help her gather the support around her that she needs. Communication starts at home. Make sure you and your husband agree on what you hope to accomplish by becoming a stay-at-home mom, and also agree on how to best reach that goal. For instance, when you told your husband you'd like to stay home, did you back it up with concrete ideas on how the two of you could work it financially? Are you working as a team, deciding where to cut and where not to? Did you give him an idea of how you'd spend your days? Or is he lying wide-awake at night, thinking, "We're gonna go under if she does this. I don't even know why it's so important to her." Have you and your husband sat down with your parents, and his, to let them know how this lifestyle change will benefit their grandkids? Remember that a lot of present-day grandparents were very active in the Women's Rights movement. Be sensitive to their feelings, and describe why you feel becoming a stay-at-home mom is as valid a career choice as any other. As you can imagine, I'm very animated when it comes to talking about making the transition from work to home. But I still need to temper my enthusiasm when I'm interacting with women who feel they can't (or don't want to) make the same choice. That's one reason why it's so important to link up with other stay-at-home parents for support. Whether through a parenting group, a messageboard or an online chatroom, it's great to have a forum where you can freely express your joys and frustrations among other like-minded moms. The key is to clearly communicate our thoughts, sensitively tailored to our present audience. Yes, we'll still bomb at times, wondering what went wrong. But the number of clashes will decrease as our communication skills improve. You can e-mail Cheryl at cheryl@homebodies.org or visit her website at www.homebodies.org. Her new book, "So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom," is available at your favorite bookstore or online at www.ivpress.com. Copyright 1999 Cheryl Gochnauer.