Main Page Blog Getting Pregnant Articles Pregnancy Articles Parenting Articles TLOL Article Directory Chinese Gender Chart Pregnancy and Parenting Journals	by Jonathan Kronstadt March Edition - "Have a Little Faith" ... "It may not seem so after reading this, but I am actually quite happy that I'm Jewish, and I want my kids to be too. I believe that, on balance, Jews come down squarely in humanity's asset column, having provided the planet with more than their share of humor, charity, wisdom and beauty (as in music and art, for we are not a particularly attractive people, Debra Winger notwithstanding). " ... January Edition - "What's Up, Chuck?" ... "But again, we had largely dodged the barf bullet. Until Max came along. Sweet, loveable, low-maintenance little Max. The poster child for easy babies, with one annoying talent. He can puke, as Steinbeck might say, from here to eternity. " ... December Edition - Cars, Coolness and Parenthood ... "Some boomers had those nice big Honda Accords, with more than enough leg room for two munchkins and really big trunks. Big trunks are key, because when you go away for the weekend with two small kids, you appear, to the untrained eye, to be moving to Iceland. The second child rockets your stuff quotient exponentially. For those of you who skipped trig, that means really a lot." ... November Edition - Sleep: The Final Frontier ... "Sleep, I've decided, is a four-letter word. Of course, it's 2:06 on a delightfully frigid morning, so it's possible my math skills aren't at their peak right now. But when you haven't had enough, sleep becomes literally the only word that matters." ... October Edition ... "After 15 months on the planet, Max has discovered his penis. This is a good thing. It's a nice penis, and it's his, so I want him to feel good about it. It's in the right place, and hopefully the two of them will share many happy years of socially appropriate activities together. " ... September Edition ... "Inventors of the world take note. Parents of the world stand ready, wallets open, credit card numbers at hand. Give us some peace and quiet, and you can rob us blind. Just don't eat all the string cheese. " ... August Edition ... "Ears are odd little configurations of flesh, but you can tell a lot about a person from the way they look--and work. Mine, for example, are beginning to sport wispy tufts of hair in places that were once mercifully bald. This means I am old. My daughter's are adorable on the outside, but inside are steaming cauldrons of bacteria and other medically bad stuff, causing her to develop an ear infection about every 11 minutes." ... July Edition ... "For kids, playing is their job, and the local playground is their office. Think about it. It's where they learn all of the virtues, character flaws, and skills necessary to become an effective drone or queen bee in the adult hive of work. Take, for example, ambition. It's easy to see who are the risk-takers at any given playground. They're the ones who grab for that extra rung, who even though they may wind up with a faceful of wood chips, climb back up and push their reach beyond their grasp once more. They go up the slide the wrong way, swing standing up, and careen from one piece of equipment to the next like contestants on American Gladiators." ... June Edition ... "The little tyke doesn't just sustain injuries, she inflicts them. Nobody talks about parental abuse, but every time my daughter climbs onto my lap she finds a new spot to damage. She can throw an elbow that would make Charles Barkley proud. Or she'll be sitting on my lap listening to some pastoral tale of bunnies and wildflowers when, in the interest of getting more comfortable, she slams her head upward into my chin, causing me to utter phrases rarely found in children's literature." ... May Edition ... "I've often said--repeating myself is sort of a hobby of mine--that if everyone were as nice to each other as people are to me when I have the little one along then, well, the world would be a revoltingly saccharine place. With a cute toddler by my side, I am transmogrified in the eyes of playground mothers from a potential stalker/rapist/masher into a sensitive, 90s kind of dad who takes time out from clawing his way to the top to stop and smell the wood chips. It's one of the perks of being a stay-at-home-father; people just assume that you've given up some dazzlingly lucrative and/or interesting career to stay home and nurture the next generation." ... These works are copyrighted by the author, Jonathan Kronstadt. Reproduction of any kind is prohibited with out the express consent of the author. Please feel free to let Jonathan know what you think of his work by sending him an email.