Main Page Blog Getting Pregnant Articles Pregnancy Articles Parenting Articles TLOL Article Directory Chinese Gender Chart Pregnancy and Parenting Journals	A Boy and His Boob's Guide for First Time Mothers by Carol Dunn So you've had a baby! This is an exciting and wonderful time in your life. This guide was prepared with the help of the little boy to make sure that you make the most of it, and are not caught by surprise by any of the little icky bits. Newborn care The key to taking care of a new-born is Don't Panic. This is not only for the obvious reasons, but also because your baby's mood is directly linked to your mood, and vice versa. The first one to crack, kind of ruins the day for the other, and then you get into this seemingly endless cycle of unhappiness, not pretty. Also--smile, this is the easy bit. Virtually nothing you do now will be repeated back to you on Oprah later. The care requirements for a new-born consist of Boob/Bottle, Burp, change, Bathe. Thinks don't start getting tricky until the baby starts getting Bored--then you will spend all day trying to guess what it is the baby wants to do (usually this will be eating, it wont be sleeping). Handling Health Care Professionals Everything said by Health Care Professionals other than doctors should be taken with a grain of salt (everything from doctors should be taken with water, and followed by a phone call in the morning). Health Visitors, Nurses, and Midwives seem to always phrase things that make you think that the worse possible is happening. This could be because new mothers are hormonal, so it just feels that way, or it could just be a way for the health professionals to make the time pass more interestingly. Most important, if you are breast-feeding, and your baby is putting on weight at a good rate, you do not have a problem with your milk supply. It seems to be a special hobby of health professionals to decide that you must have a problem with your milk--making you nervous for no reason (thus risking your milk supply). The lady suspects they meet up in the evening and laugh about it. Sleeping The idea that babies sleep is just a myth. There are numerous books that say that a young baby will sleep up to 20 hours a day. WARNING: These Authors are joking! If they had written that the baby will eat for 20 hours a day it would be closer to the truth. Since babies don't sleep and only eat, we won't cover sleeping here. Eating As mentioned above, babies eat perpetually. The best thing to do is to is not fight it. All the new mothers reading this have their salvation in front of them--go on the internet while the baby is eating. If you learn to balance the baby well, and the baby has a good suck (if you're breast feeding) you can chat away all day long. (If you're bottle feeding, I suppose you can balance the bottle between your boobs, and free your hands that way) Be careful not to get too into the chat. The only thing babies hate more than not being offered the boob/bottle when they want it, is being offered it when they don't want it. Also, I don't want to be blamed for encouraging a generation of 'virtual orphans', if you are chatting during your baby's 5 minutes of not eating, and crying (i.e. bright eyed, ready to learn and play) it would be kind of sad. Things to Watch for --the Fontanelles Don't get too freaked out by the soft spots on their head, but be warned that the first time you notice them pulsing it may gross you out. That, and inadvertently kissing it. Both the little boy and the lady with the boob can't figure out why God made this soft spot---a far better design would be to have the head about three time as thick. Since his arrival the little boy has been knocked against numerous doors, tables, pram roofs, etc. The little boy has forgiven the lady every time, though the lady continues to feel guilty, hmmm. --Reflexes When your baby is born it can already do various tricks called 'reflexes'. This includes the 'startle' reflex (known as the Moro reflex) the 'grasp' reflex, the 'rooting' reflex, the 'walking' reflex the 'placing' reflex, and the 'crawling' reflex. This can be read about in any baby book. It is generally understood that these are precursors of what's to come for the baby. There are two reflexes that are not covered in most books, these include: - the 'tickling' reflex: the baby instinctively knows where to put his hand when feeding to tickle you the most. This is to prepare the baby to assume his/her role as the oldest sibling i.e. main torturer. -the 'birdie' reflex: while the baby is eating you may be quite shocked to look down and see that the baby is showing you his middle finger, or perhaps the two finger reversed V. Do not be insulted, this is just preparing the baby for his/her teenage years. This reflex is well known in Italy, but that is probably because almost any conceivable hand position can be construed as a rude gesture of some sort. Required Equipment Before you buy your equipment for the new baby, be warned--it is a proven fact that the baby will like the item in inverse proportion to the cost of the item. Thus, the more expensive it is, the less the baby will like it. Thus, if you buy the pram with anti-locking brakes, alloy wheels, cantilever steering, and double side impact bars--your baby will not go near it without crying. Be also warned not to buy one of those swingy crib things, especially if you're breast-feeding. There are two main reasons for this. They are: 1. Within three nights your baby will be sleeping with you anyway (which is a lot easier than putting him/her down, and working to make him/her stay down) and by the time you get the baby back in their private bed, they can already sit up, therefore shouldn't use the crib anymore. 2. If you do succeed in getting the baby to sleep in it, but forgot to lock the crib down, you'll wake up to find the bed listing like the titanic, and your baby rolled down to the side with his/her poor little hands and feet stuck in the bars. A Little About Carol Dunn Carol Dunn is a former Management Consultant. She has lived in England, Russia, Kazakstan, Belarus and Ukraine, but is currently residing happily with her husband and son in the Washington DC area. They are expecting a daughter in July.