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Main Page Site Index Getting Pregnant Pregnancy Parenting Pregnancy and Parenting Journals Fertility Nutrition Pregnant Moms Morning Sickness Women's Health Child Health	SPARE THE ROD…? Disciplining children is a fraught subject these days. Last century children were routinely beaten, locked in dark cupboards, terrorized by brutal parents or nannies. Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child was a phrase imbued with real meaning. Nineteenth century parents did genuinely believe that their children must be terrified into submission for the good of their immortal souls and their future as well-adjusted adults. Obviously not all parents did these things even then, and obviously not all the children beaten and bullied suffered permanent character defects. But imagine the potential for physical and psychological harm that existed. Nowadays such actions would rightly be classed as child abuse. We are still left with the problem of how to discipline our children. It seems that child discipline theories come and go with the times. Many of you reading this, pregnant perhaps or with a tiny baby, cannot imagine ever wanting to, let alone having to, discipline a child. Unfortunately that sweet little helpless bundle rapidly grows into something with a temper and a strong will - a toddler! You might feel appalled at the thought of disciplining a child, but when faced with a toddler you will realize that somehow these little savages have to be turned into civilized human beings. When Tamsin was little I read a couple of books by the Australian pediatrician Dr Christopher Greene, Babies and Toddler Taming. He said that a baby needed to be loved and cared for, but after its first birthday, it would start to develop toddler traits that would need loving but firm guidance. Of course, looking at the sweet little helpless bundle, I thought, 'Oh no, not my good little baby girl.' Tamsin came equipped with a temper and a personality from the moment of her birth, so I don't know why I thought that! Of course she developed into a toddler who threw tantrums if thwarted, who committed frequent acts of terrorism on her home, and pushed other children over with no provocation. Having told myself before it became necessary that I would try not to smack her without trying everything else first, I rapidly realized that unfortunately I was going to smack her. She was extraordinarily willful and at that age did not accept any other form of correction. 'Time Out', a sensible suggestion from Dr Christopher Green, didn't seem to work with a two-year-old incapable of staying in the room she had been placed in to have the tantrum. Although he said to leave them there and run, if necessary, so that you weren't outside the door when they reappeared, in our household this seemed to be turning into an Olympic sport. And I wasn't winning it. As she got older I was able to use Time Out more, and now she is 5 (on 1st July - only just 5!) it is my main approach to discipline. These days it works very well, and when tempers are fraught a short spell upstairs in her room calms everyone down. We are careful that she remains in control of what she does in her room when she is sent there. Often she will be sent upstairs in a flaming temper, streaming tears, stamping her feet, being rude - and five minutes later she is sitting on her bed reading a book or drawing, calm and pleasant again. (And I have cooled down a little! It never ceases to amaze me how angry one can get with a defenseless child). Angus is about to turn 2 and we have the same old chestnut again. It is pointless trying to put him in another room, he has a faster turn of speed than Ben Johnson and it could turn into a sprint around the house until one of us tires out. I hate smacking but I find myself doing it again. I try to avoid wishing my children would grow up, but on those occasions I long for him to be old enough to reason with. I have a short fuse and often find myself shouting when feeling harassed. I often feel harassed! The other evening things were going from bad to worse. The children were tired and whiny and underfoot, I was trying to cook for them and organize what Graham and I were going to eat later, I was getting Tamsin's school lunch for the next day and making sure that her reading books, cardigan and fold-up raincoat were all ready for the morning. Tamsin was being particularly irritating and in the end I did shout at her. She shouted back. It turned into a slanging match - they bring out the rude child in you rather easily! What with me being the grown up and her being the child, it was her who was sent to her room for being rude to Mommy. A while later, they had eaten and were in the bath, playing nicely, all the previous irritations gone. I started to think that they were rather nice, after all. I discovered a note on our bed, carefully written in Tamsin's best handwriting. "Ples Do not Shaot at Tamsin." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It was like the Post-It notes people leave on your computer screen at work. A brief memo - please pay attention. Tamsin was given a big hug and an apology, though I did point out that she had been naughty and being naughty would continue to attract punishment suited to the crime. She went to bed happy with the world. I have dated the note and put it away in her treasure chest where we keep things about her for the future. I would like to say that I have stopped shouting at people. It wouldn't be true. But I am trying to think a bit more carefully before I let fly. Sometimes it takes a child to make you look afresh at the world. Judy Edmonds was born in England, grew up in Australia and is married to Graham Peters, a fifth-generation Australian. From 1990-1999 they lived in England - it was meant to be a two year working holiday but it took on a life of its own. They returned to Australia in May 1999, and are enjoying readjusting. Judy worked as an academic librarian until the birth of Tamsin in 1993, and since then has been a full-time mother to her and to Angus, born 1996. She is now embarking on a new career as a freelance journalist. Her writing can be found all over the Internet now, and she is the owner/editor of an Australian parenting EZine, Chloe & Jack.