Is Your Marriage a Partnership or a Monster Truck Rally?

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Is Your Marriage a Partnership or a Monster Truck Rally?
by Marnie Pehrson

When I was a small child, I remember my mother having us carry my father's dinner to him on a tray in the living room where he relaxed on the couch and watched TV. He never ate with the rest of the family, but sprawled out on the couch with his tray of food.
This lasted at least until I was seven or eight years old. Over time, my mother tired of waiting on her husband in this fashion and there was no more tray carrying. My sisters and I laugh about this now, ''Can you believe Mother had us carry Daddy's tray to him in the living room?'' And then my mother will give my Dad one of those looks and say, ''Yeah, a person can be the only one giving for so long until they grow tired of it and quit.'' Then my father will defend, ''I never told you that you had to bring me my tray in the living room… You decided that yourself.''

Many of us with traditional values assume that the Bible teaches us to submit to our husband's will in all things no matter what the costs. But, I would contend that there is a difference between treating your husband with respect, love and kindness and having your entire personality and preferences swallowed up in the demands of your spouse. There are a couple verses I'd like to point out in the scriptures that teach us the proper relationship between husband and wife.

Ephesians 5:33 says, ''Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.'' Reverence means to show courtesy and respect. So, we as wives should not belittle or nag our husbands. And husbands should love their wives as they do themselves.

1 Corinthians 7:3 says, ''Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.'' This sounds like a two-way street to me! It doesn't sound like one spouse doting on the other one while the other soaks it up and gives nothing in return. Nor does it sound like one spouse always getting their way while the other continually gives in.

One need only casually glance around at today's marriages and find that these scriptural principles are sorely lacking in our society. You'll find:

Spouses who nag, badger and belittle their mate into helping around the house or doing yard work
Spouses who degrade their mates to friends and family members.
Spouses who dominate their mates, watching every move they make and keeping tabs on everywhere they go.
Spouses who resent the success of their mate and try to hold them back.
Spouses who selflessly give and give to their mate and receive very little in return until one spouse is always giving and the other is completely spoiled.
Husbands who could provide for their families, but refuse to do so.
Spouses who dominate and insist upon having their way until their mates are no longer allowed interests of their own.
None of these situations can be described as mutual love, reverence, respect, courtesy or benevolence. Marriage is a two-way street. It's not always 50-50. Sometimes one spouse is giving 80 while another gives 20 and then the tables could be turned a month later. But over all, it should be mutual give and take.
Until each partner learns selflessness, gratitude and devotion, a marriage is not a marriage but a domination of one individual over another. If you are the one that dominates or is ever on the receiving end, think about how you would like to be treated. As the Savior said, ''Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.'' How would you like someone to nag and pester you until you did what they wanted? Would you do what they wanted if they habitually treated you this way? What if instead they praised you for the good you did and positively motivated you to be a contributing partner in the relationship? How would you like to always give and never receive so much as a thank you? Or would you be motivated to serve more if you received sincere gratitude and reciprocity from your mate?

If you are the one being dominated, set boundaries. Give your spouse a loving dose of ''Vitamin N'' (No). It is just as much your responsibility to see that you are not stepped on as it is your spouse's responsibility not to run over you. For the sake of your marriage you must set boundaries. One person can only give in for so long before they grow tired of it, become resentful, and it eats away at the fibers of the marriage. For the sake of your marriage, continue to develop your own talents, interests and abilities. If necessary, insist that you be given the time and space to do this. Continue to be a viable, interesting individual in your own right – and not just a ''yes''-mate to your spouse. It can help to save your sanity as well as your marriage!

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Marnie Pehrson may be contacted at http://www.ideamarketers.com webmaster@ideamarketers.com. Click here to view more of their articles.
Marnie L. Pehrson is a content developer and consultant who works with clients to help them get and keep visitors coming to their Web sites. She works with her clients to discover and implement additional marketing methods and revenue streams for their Web-based businesses. For details, visit http://www.pwgroup.com.