I read about a million birth stories before labour started and researched natural child birth in every book, magazine, documentary and professional person I could get my hands on. This is my journey on how I went through pregnancy and birth to get to my little Benny.
Dec 2010 I was a regular working gal with a husband and beating around the bush on if it was time to take that step. My husband Ed was game but I felt I still had some waiting to do. Thinking it would take forever to get pregnant I ditched the birth control and automatically assumed I was infertile and it would take forever to concieve. Jan 12 I realized I was late, hmmm, total denial. Ya I was peeing all the time, nausaus, tired and period free but no way I was pregnant, where was my bump lol?
6 positive pregnany tests later and a doctor who asked why I thought I needed another one or god forbid a blood test I accepted I was pregnant. Not bragging or anything but I had no morning sickness and I felt better then ever, most likely because I immediatly gave up my fancy cigars, hockey beers, weekend wine parties, getting 5 hours of sleep, cut my work week down to 35 hours and actually relaxed and took vitamins. Although I always thought I would be the kind of woman to gorge myself because what the hell I'm pregnant, a massive case of awful stretch marks cured that by 5 months. Oh my goodness Im a tub and they keep making me weigh myself. I started running and felt better then ever. Although I did not enjoy the 40 lbs I put on but know one can feel totally great with a massive sweaty summer weight gain. And being a bridesmaid to a major bridezilla at 9 1/2 months. "oh you can fit a tiny little dress Jess no worries"....b*tch.
My husband was spooked by my stomach and I was too, I couldn't believe I was growing a little boy inside me. Something about putting my hand on my stomach and feeling a limb poke me made me nervous. I also was extremely determined to have a natual child birth because a.) I'm strong, all other women must be weak, b.) I can relax myself I think and c.) all the natural child birth research I did made me feel too guilty to get pain relief, after all, natural child birth fanatics make people think that hospitals are bad they force drugs on you, they make you get c-sections so they can go golfing and you won't love your baby the same unless you birth it happily and painfully at home.
My husband refused to have a home birth and I was sure I would be able to control everything at the hospital so I said, fine hospital it is, but I'm running the show.
My due date sept 17, my labour starts sept 16. I wake up feeling funny, I go to the bathroom large blood loss and loss of mucus plug. Cramping in my lower abs. No way I'm not in labour. Husband makes me breakfast, I can't eat I'm too nausaus and massive diarreaha, ew but no way Im not in labour. By 1:00 pm my pains were getting closer but not stronger, I decided lets go to the mall, we have the day off some walking will be fun. Walking through the mall, sucking a shake, my pains started to get more painful but managable. I bought some dvds and was feeling fine, I wasn't in labour.
My husband reading the difference between false labour and real labour knew I was for sure in labour but being a police officer nothing really gets him worried. At 4:00 pm I decided to deliver 112 news papers to our neighborhood, my way of forcing myself to keep active. As I walked around the neighborhood the pains were so bad I had to stop in random peoples yards to have a contraction and breath through it. They were about 8 minutes apart. Suprisingly no one rushed out to help me but delivering flyers is an awful job. At 530 I came in, my contractions were so painful but I was sure I was in false labour. I was glad I delivered flyers. I layed down and fell asleep for about an hour. Woke up to awful pains. Decided maybe I was in labour. I took a bath and shaved for hospital staffs sake, I was really sweaty. Then decided I would give myself an enema because I couldn't stand loosing my bowels infront of my hubby. It was gross but gave me comfort of mind and made my contractions so much worse.
I sat at the table crying through contractions and screaming slightly. My husband asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I said no way I can handle this, I'm probably not in labour. My contractions were 3 min apart and lasting 50 seconds. 8:15 pm OW OW Ow, no I don't want to go to the hospital, im probably like 3 cms dialated and they will send me home.
8:30 I WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!!!! NOW! That 20 minute car ride was excruciating, I screamed, I cried, I almost broke that handle thing off the roof. Then as I hunched over screaming in the parking lot while my lovely husband couldn't figure out how to pay for parking. No I will not kill him, he is the father of my son who is causing me this unbearable pain lol.
9:20, receptionist asking me a million questions even though I can't talk, paramedics rushing through, excuse me! Random old people telling me their stupid stories. Old friends from highschool who became nurses lol. At that moment I was wishing I went with the home birth. I kept my cool though. Until the guy made me ride in the wheelchair up the elevator. I screamed so loud, the contractions were awful. Then I realized its not the birth that connects women to each other its the labour. I immediatley felt for my mom and every woman in history who has birthed. Poor mother mary was in labour on a donkey!
10:20: the nurse was amazing and sweet and asked me if I would like anything for the pain. This was my moment to stand up for myself, contraction Owwww yes I want the epideral, no contraction, no I don't want it and you can't make me get it Im a strong woman I can do this! Contraction oh my god yes give it to me NOW!
When I arrived at the hospital the nurse made me change, lifted my leg stuck a hand in and said your 7 cm! Yaaaaaay, they won't send me home but seriously give me the epideral. I need it. Im inspired by the women who can do without it but hey when that lady poked that needle into my back it was like god flowing through my body taking away all my pain and giving me a chance to enjoy my birth and talk to my husband and doctors. Im the kind of person I can't stand not being able to talk. Plus it hurt.
20 minutes after the epideral a huge water bag explodes between my legs, the nurse lifts my leg and reveals, oh its time to push, I'll get the doctor. Are you serious I hardly got to enjoy this wonderful epideral. My doctor came in as well as about 6 other people, wow I'm glad I had that enema.
Pushing took 45 minutes! Brutal, I was so hungry and tired and wanted my boy to come out. Finally at 11:58, my doctor took out some meat cleavers and cut me from my v to my a and plunged my son out with a plungger. With a final scream my beautiful boy was born, just a minute before his due day.
I cried with joy as I held my crying baby boy, the clouds opened and he was here finally. My life is complete, I love him more then anything, and you my dear husband. Ben is absolute perfection.
My Ben is 5 months, and flourishing. I love him more deeply everyday but I still can remember the pain of child birth, long live the epideral. Never feel guilt:)