Theresa's Birth Story By Theresa Print
Birth Stories - C-Section Birth Stories
Friday, 12 December 2008 09:17
Before my first child was born I read all the books and took classes and thought I was ahead of the game. What I hadn't planed on was developing pre-eclampsia. I was hospitalized several times for hypertension and two weeks before my due date the Dr. felt it was time to induce labor.

So I went home, had dinner (I don't know why I just felt like I needed to feed my husband before leaving him for a couple of days) then I packed my bag and headed off to the hospital.

My OB wanted me there the night before so they could have everything ready to induce at 6a.m. Friday morning. I couldn't sleep a wink! and bright and early the following morning the nurses came it and hooked up the IV. All day I waited and waited with nothing more than mild cramps and a headache to show for it.

My Dr. examined me in the evening and said I was only 1cm so they would stop and try again in the morning so off went the drip and they put a cream (I forgot the name) on my cervix to soften it. The next morning the Dr. was there at 6:30 to break the water sack and start the pitocin back up.

Well let me tell you that made all the difference, or at least that's what I thought! the contractions were bouncing from 6 to 9 on the monitor and were coming every 3 to 5 min's all day, by nights end I was still only 4 cm but determined I was going to have this baby!

My mother was with me and my husband too. They decide to go back to my house for some rest because the Dr. told them it wasn't happening today. Off went the IV again by this time I was exhausted and fell right to sleep myself.

6a.m. again, the IV is back on the contractions are stronger than ever and still my cervix wasn't budging. Now Sunday was mostly a blur for me because I swallowed my Lamaze guilt and had some Demerol. My mother tells me 3 shots but I don't remember anything passed the first. Around 6:00 that evening the baby was starting to show signs of stress her heart rate was dropping not a lot but enough that my Dr. began asking me if I wanted to have a C-sec. and I didn't.

Then at 9p.m. I was only 5cm! I spent the hole day in pain for 1 cm I was ticked to say the least and with the babies heart rate dipping I decided to go ahead with the C, the OR was booked for midnight. I had some trouble with the anesthesia the epideral didn't work so I was given a spinal tap and I don't know exactly what the trouble was with that I had to much Demerol to remember things correctly but I was having difficulties breathing on my own so my husband was sent out of the room and I remember them using the bag to give me oxygen. and fading in and out of consciousness.

12:54 a.m. a little wrapped up baby is showed to me and I drift back to sleep, I woke around 3 am and asked to see my baby because all I could remember was her nose, and when the nurse brought her to me I just began to cry. I was very depressed about having to have a C-sec I felt like I failed as a woman other people could give birth why couldn't I?

I also didn't have that feeling that I always read about that love at first sight thing, I was certain this poor child was doomed by having me as a parent. I mean I looked into her eyes and thought what a beautiful baby, but that "feeling" I didn't get that special "feeling" and this added to my depression.

I remained in the hospital for 4 more days and was also having difficulty breast feeding she wasn't gaining weight and I think I was trying to hard to be perfect and cover up my feelings to talk with anyone about it so I just gave up nursing and put her on the bottle at 3 weeks. One more thing to be depressed about. I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating. I would just sit and cry and this went on for several weeks. My feelings of inadequacy for my failure.

I did eventually get over it but it took time and the biggest step or revaluation for me was one day I was sitting on the couch holding my baby in my arms and rocking her, and I realized I loved her, I more than loved her I was totally in love with my baby, I knew that feeling I had read about, she was my world. I would do anything for her and I couldn't believe anyone else in the whole world could love their child as much as I loved mine.

She was about 3 months old when I had my awaking and it was still a few years before I "forgave myself" for feeling that way but eventually I did, and when I became pregnant for a second time and I had to have a second C-sec for a totally different reason, I knew that no matter how my baby was born the only thing that truly matter was the fact that she was born.