A loss of a pregnancy can be devastating to a woman. The despair, guilt, depression, anger, and the entire rest of the range of emotions that a woman may feel after a miscarriage is both common and normal. However, many people fail to realize that men’s reactions to a miscarriage may be just as severe as women’s reactions, and may be just as devastating.

To be sure, the fact that the man has not physically had anything happen to him during the process of the miscarriage does create some differences in men’s reactions. However, this does not mean that men don’t react, it just means that they have different reasons for reacting.

Some men may have difficulty expressing the feelings of sadness and loss that can occur when their partner has a miscarriage. They may bury themselves in work, or they may become suddenly cold and emotionally distant. Men may not be able or willing to talk much about their loss, or about their feelings. Some men will throw themselves into a physical task, during which they can try to begin to wrap their minds and their emotions around what has happened. Here again, the fact that you cannot view a man’s emotions doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have them.

Some men do indeed have trouble relating to the loss that a woman feels after a miscarriage, to be sure. For some men, because there is no physical change in their bodies, the pregnancy often doesn’t become really real to them until after a baby is born. In these cases, a miscarriage may not be nearly as traumatic. However, this would seem to be the exception, rather than the rule. Most men whose partner has a miscarriage do indeed react the same way emotionally as women do, even if they do not express those emotions.

In addition, while the actual miscarriage may not impact a man as directly as it does his partner, he is impacted in other ways. While his partner is struggling, he generally feels a great deal of care and concern for her. He may feel as though it is his job to try to cheer her up, for example. When this happens, it is possible that his partner may become upset, or feel like the miscarriage didn’t phase the man. Far from it, he is often just trying to help her cope with the situation the best that he knows how.

Posted in Miscarriage

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