Is Sibling Rivalry Always Negative?

Sibling rivalry, to one degree or another, cannot be avoided. The fact of the matter is that, as long as there have been siblings, there has been sibling rivalry. Even the Bible includes rivalry between the first two brothers ever, Cain and Abel. While very few cases of sibling rivalry lead to the disastrous consequences that occur in that story, sibling rivalry can nevertheless impact a family in a tremendously negative way. However, the fact remains that sibling rivalry is not always negative, and that there may be many positive things that can come from sibling rivalry. You just need to know where to look to find them.

First of all, sibling rivalry provides a hands-on laboratory in which siblings can learn, practice, and better understand interpersonal relationships. Early family life is often something of a laboratory for later life, where children can begin to understand things like empathy, understanding, and communication. It is a place where children can learn to deal with negative emotions, such as jealousy, in a safe environment. While the sibling rivalry itself does have some negative consequences, learning how to effectively handle it and to relate to one’s family is an important part of growing up. By encouraging communication and problem solving skills when sibling rivalry does creep up, you can improve your children’s skills overall.

Sibling rivalry can, in some cases, lead to positive competition as well. It may be that siblings are competing against one another in a variety of areas, whether it is sports, academics, or socially. Being competitive can often bring out a child’s strengths. Certainly, when this competition extends to things like competing for parents’ attention or affection, it can be a negative thing. However, mild competition in other areas can help children to improve.

Finally, when dealing with sibling rivalry, it is important to try to draw the positive out and minimize the negative. Helping children to mend fences and to make up after a fight can lead to some wonderful experiences.

Posted in Parenting