Divorce will affect your young child. Divorce is never easy. This is especially true when there are children involved. Very rarely does a child want or expect their parents to get a divorce. In the case of young children especially, divorce can be an extremely difficult time. It is important that, in the hectic negotiating and battling that often accompanies divorce, that the children are not forgotten, and that both parents do what they can to help young children through divorce. If you are conscious of his needs and work hard at it, you can help to make sure that he grows up well adjusted, and makes it through this time of crisis.

It is important to take care in the way that you tell your children about divorce. If one parent has done the most of the parenting, that parent should tell the child or children what is going on. Parents should take care not to blame the other parent for the divorce, because this will force a child to choose sides, which is extremely unhealthy and can be a cause for other problems later on. Most importantly, it is important to tell the child that it is not their fault for the divorce.

After you tell the child about the divorce, you should discuss, in a practical way, what it means. If one of the parents will not be living in the home, say so. If one will be moving far away, explain that as well. Take the time to answer their questions, to help them try to grasp exactly what is happening and what will happen to them.

For very small children, from birth to 18 months, it will not be possible to explain exactly what is going on. For infants, it is important to watch for changes in eating habits, and to make sure that the child has sufficient bonding time with the parent or parents. A normal routine, and exposure to friends and family can also help a child of this age through the divorce.

For toddlers, you might see an increase in crying, problems sleeping, or a desire for more attention. Here again, it may be difficult for the child to grasp what a divorce means. Provide toddlers with extra patience, as well as a routine and frequent quality time.

Preschool children may be more able to grasp, in a general way, what a divorce means. At this stage, encourage your child to talk about how he or she feels. If possible and reasonable, make sure that the child gets to visit the non-custodial parent as often as needed. Continue to encourage your child, and to spend time with them frequently. Ease his fears of uncertainty with reassurances that you will continue to love, care, and provide for her.

Children who are in elementary school can experience different effects. These children may begin to withdrawal from social settings, and may feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. They may fear being abandoned, and may become insecure about the future. At this age, do your best to get your child to talk to you about how she feels. Share your own feelings with her. Be sure also to talk about other things, to let your child know that you are interested in him more than just about how the divorce affects him. Encourage her to take part in extracurricular activities, and to be involved socially.

If your children are in middle school or high school, they are becoming more and more independent in their identity and in their thinking. Here again communication is the key. Share your thoughts, and listen to theirs. Take part in experiences that you both can enjoy. Make rules for your house and keep them. By establishing boundaries, you provide them with the security that they need, even if they don’t know they need it.

Posted in Divorce, Relationships

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