Do Marriage Counselors Work?
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In an ideal world, marriages would never break down. Husbands, wives and their children would live happily ever after. The cold hard facts are, however, that marriages do fail, and in significant numbers. Despite the best intentions and many years of training that marriage counselors can boast, couples often leave it until it’s way too late before seeking counselling.
Women get more from marriage counselling than men
It seems obvious, doesn’t it? Women have that need to talk, men have the need not to. For a wife to drag her husband along to a marriage counselor, it seems to set the situation up for failure. She insists he go, he digs his heels in and only goes because he’s forced to. Still, if a couple are sincere and genuine in their desire to turn their marriage around and head in a positive direction, both parties will make efforts to discuss the issues with an objective person, i.e. the counselor.
What happens when it’s too far gone?
Sometimes, it’s all too easy to let problems fester rather than facing them. What may begin as a small communication problem can escalate into all-out fighting and bitterness if not approached with mutual care for the outcome. Seeing a marriage counselor at a point where the couple can barely stand to look at each other, may not achieve desired results. Instead, it can lead to resentment.
The last resort
There are couples who will try everything to fix their marriage woes. Anything, that is, than letting other people know they have a problem. For some couples, their marriage is intensely private, and each spouse will deal with their heartache in their own way. Naturally, this is not a good way to maintain a united front, but the thought of introducing a third person to the already frayed nerves is unbearable. When all else fails, marriage counselling may be suggested as a last resort.
On the up side …
For some couples, marriage counselling can be the best thing that ever happened to their relationship, particularly if communication is lacking and each spouse is regularly misunderstanding the other. Also, when one spouse is feeling neglected or unvalued, the other may not believe the sentiments are justified. Having an objective third party step in and listen to both sides of the story can be invaluable. Effective marriage counselling is not about deciding who is right and who is wrong, but about having each spouse listen to and understand each other’s feelings, while working toward a common empathy for each other.
The key to successful marriage counselling is timing. Couples who try to analyze their difficulties can run into trouble because there are two people’s viewpoints to consider, not just one’s own. Often, the more one analyzes something, the more convoluted it can become. A marriage counselor can help to clear up a foggy picture of what’s wrong in a marriage and can help to set it on the right path … if consulted early enough.
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