Disciplining your step children is a very touchy subject and one that needs to be discussed between the biological parent and step parent before a disciplinary situation ever arises. The following tips might help you become a good step parent and not over step your bounds. Take Cues from Spouse When you marry an individual with children it can be a difficult time adjusting to married life and stepchildren. However, your purpose is not to become spouse and fulltime parent all at once. Instead, you should take the cues from your new spouse regarding how you should treat the stepchildren. You are not the biological parent and shouldnt walk in disciplining and offering advice. Instead, you should do your best to develop a relationship with your step children and let your spouse guide you and show you how you should behave and treat your stepchildren. Dont Discipline at First Most step families need close to two years before they can begin bonding and actually feel like a family. During this time period it is essential for the new step parent to work on bonding with the stepchildren and getting to know them. This is an amazingly slow process and sometimes it can feel like it will never happen. But persistence is key and a step parent who is committed to the family can find a way to bond with the new stepchildren. During this time it is very important that the step parent not discipline the children. The step kids are just waiting for the stepparent to overstep his/her bounds and try to act like a biological parent. The kids will push and pressure the stepparent just to see if he/she will break. However, the step parent must maintain control and composure and let the biological parent handle the discipline. As time goes by and a bond had been formed then the step parent will be able to start disciplining the step children. Talk With the Step kids An important thing to do as soon as second marriage takes place and the children now have a step parent is to sit down and talk with them. The kids need to understand that their parents are not together because they dont want to be together. They must also know that the new step parent wants to get to know them and befriend them, but is not there to replace their biological parent. Kids are loyal to their biological parents so making it very clear that the step parent is not there to tell them what to do is important for kids. Having this discussion up front will frequently reduce the amount of problems later down the road.

Posted in Parenting

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