You are separated or divorced and have children. Most of the year you deal with ok but when it comes to the holidays things can get a little stressful. Thanksgiving starts off the holiday season and determining who gets the kids for Thanksgiving can be stressful and just a painful decision for both parents involved. There are a few tips that might help you decide who gets the kids for Thanksgiving, but the most important thing to keep in mind is being cordial with your ex-spouse. Doing this is important for your children because that person continues being their mother or father. Respect here is important, despite how you really feel. As long as you have open communication where the children are concerned you will be able to work out a good holiday schedule that is acceptable to everyone.

Switch Off
A common way of handling who gets the kids for Thanksgiving, which inevitably brings up Christmas, is to simply switch off. This year the mother gets the kids for Thanksgiving and the father gets the kids for Christmas. The following year the mother gets the kids for Christmas and the father gets the kids for Thanksgiving. Rotating each year like this allows kids to associate both holidays with both families and the traditions that go along with each. Its a great way for the kids to still celebrate both holidays with both sets of families even if it is every other year.

Share the Day
For ex-spouses who live relatively close to one another sharing the day can work out well. Many families celebrate Thanksgiving at lunch and others at dinner. So, one parent could have the children for Thanksgiving lunch and the other parent for Thanksgiving dinner. If family obligations occur at the same meal then everyone should try and work together to do whats in the best interest for the kids. Dont feel bad about asking grandma to celebrate Thanksgiving at supper this year so the kids can be there even though she usually celebrates for lunch. It takes an entire family to get through divorce and make holidays special for the kids. So, do everything it takes to make the day special for the children.

Let the Kids Decide
Sometimes it is best to let the kids decide which holiday they want to spend with which parent. Give the kids a piece of paper and ask them to write down whether they want to spend Thanksgiving with mommy or daddy. Remind them that they will have to spend Christmas with the parent they choose not to spend Thanksgiving with. That way the kids cant make you feel bad for making them spend a certain holiday with you because they chose who they wanted to spend it with! This might be hard for parents to take, but giving the child control over the situation may allow them to enjoy the holidays just a little bit more.

The holidays are supposed to be a happy time and they usually are for families who are still together. However, sometimes families break up because the parents no longer want to be married. This in itself is stressful on everyone involved; however it can really have an affect on how holidays are celebrated. So, how are you supposed to deal with the holidays through a divorce? It wont be easy, that is for sure, but the following tips might help you just a little to get through the holiday season without any additional stress.

The Kids
If you have kids the holidays will be made especially difficult during a divorce. Who do the kids celebrate with and when? Both parents obviously want to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with their children, but it is only one day and there is only so much time involved. Then there are the extended families that pressure the parents to have the kids and the already stressful situation intensifies.

If you and your spouse live in the same town then sharing the kids for the holidays is likely the best plan. That way the kids will be with both families for both holidays and traditions wont be affected so much. They will just have to deal with the absence of one parent. If you find yourself in this situation try and work things out with both families so the kids wont be affected more than they have to be.

If you and your estranged spouse live in separate cities or states then sharing the days is nearly impossible. One parent should get Thanksgiving and the other parent Christmas. Deciding between the two may be hard, but do it for the kids. If all else fails put the holidays in a hat and pull one out.

Family Traditions
Family traditions will be affected by the divorce so go ahead and plan on that. Prepare your kids for the changes and let them know that while it is sad for some family traditions to be broken creating new ones can be lots of fun. Also, do your very best to keep as many family traditions going as possible. Do it for your children and for yourself. The holidays can be magical if you let yourself take part in the fun. So, dont get too down and out and focus on the divorce. Instead, focus on family, friends, and your children. That way you can really enjoy the holidays despite the divorce.

Children can be severely traumatized by divorce, especially if the divorce is a nasty one, and/or if there is a prolonged or an intense custody battle. Some of the effects of a divorce will pass in time; others may last for weeks, years, or even the rest of a child’s life.

Children who go through a divorce often face issues with self esteem. They may believe that they themselves caused the divorce, or that they did something wrong that made mommy and/or daddy want to not be with them. These self-esteem issues, if not addressed, can be long-lasting.

In a divorce, children are also affected in the area of security. Fears that both parents will abandon the child are common, as are fears about what will happen to them next. In addition, the absence of one of their parents can make the child feel extremely lonely. Here again, these feelings of loneliness and abandonment can last a long time if not addressed.

Long-term studies suggest that a person’s overall social adjustment will relate directly to how her quality of life and her relationship with both of her parents turn out after a divorce. If both parents continue to be involved and have healthy relationships with the child, he is more likely to be well-adjusted.

Other studies suggest that there is a “sleeper effect” of divorce. This is the idea that a child that goes through a divorce will have a resurgence of fear, anger, guilt, and anxiety that doesn’t kick in until well into adulthood. These feelings tend to arise when a young adult is attempting to make important life decisions, such as marriage.

Some children are affected more by divorce than others. However, all children will be affected by a divorce. The things that parents do and dont do will greatly impact exactly how much a child is affected by the divorce. In addition, the childs gender, age, psychological health, and maturity will also all affect how a divorce impacts a child.

Divorce will not be easy for a parent; but a parent is a grown adult who has (hopefully) mastered coping skills. Children, on the other hand, are not necessarily as prepared as an adult in this regard. If you are going through a divorce and have children, you need to make the way that the divorce affects them your top priority.

A divorce can affect a child in many ways. Some of these ways are immediate, while others may take years to appear. Children can be severely traumatized by divorce, especially if the divorce is a nasty one, and/or if there is a prolonged or an intense custody battle.

Children who go through a divorce often face issues with self esteem. They may believe that they themselves caused the divorce, or that they did something wrong that made mommy and/or daddy want to not be with them. These self-esteem issues, if not addressed, can be long-lasting.

In a divorce, children are also affected in the area of security. Fears that both parents will abandon the child are common, as are fears about what will happen to them next. In addition, the absence of one of their parents can make the child feel extremely lonely. Here again, these feelings of loneliness and abandonment can last a long time if not addressed.

Long-term studies suggest that a person’s overall social adjustment will relate directly to how her quality of life and her relationship with both of her parents turn out after a divorce. If both parents continue to be involved and have healthy relationships with the child, he is more likely to be well-adjusted. Studies also suggest that the children of divorced parents are as much as two times more likely to have a successful marriage than children whose parents did not divorce. If both people in a marriage come from divorced homes, they are as much as three times as likely to get divorced.

Other studies suggest that there is a “sleeper effect” of divorce. This is the idea that a child that goes through a divorce will have a resurgence of fear, anger, guilt, and anxiety that doesn’t kick in until well into adulthood. These feelings tend to arise when a young adult is attempting to make important life decisions, such as marriage.

Some children are affected more by divorce than others. However, all children will be affected by a divorce. The things that parents do and dont do will greatly impact exactly how much a child is affected by the divorce. In addition, the childs gender, age, psychological health, and maturity will also all affect how a divorce impacts a child.

Divorce can be a traumatic experience for a child. While the parents in a divorce are often involved in a bitter and prolonged dispute, the children are often caught in the crossfire. In a divorce, there are very rarely winners when it comes to the children. How you talk to your children about divorce can greatly affect how they are impacted by the divorce.

Talking to your children about divorce is something that you must do in order for your child or children to accept the drastic change that is going to occur in their lives. It is possible for a child or children to come through a divorce well-adjusted and relatively unharmed, depending on how the parents handle the divorce.

Here are some important things to consider when talking to your children about divorce:

First, you should emphasize to the child or children that the divorce is not their fault. Young children especially can feel responsible for a divorce, and can have their self-esteem seriously damaged. You must help your child to understand that it is you and your spouse that are getting a divorce, not the child and his parents. You also need to be honest and say that it is not up to your child to reconcile you and your spouse.

Next, you should take care not to blame your spouse for the divorce. Regardless of your feelings on the matter, you cannot force your child into a situation where she feels that she has to pick sides between the good parent and the bad parent.

When you talk with your child about the divorce, you should make sure that you are up front about the practical applications, and about how the way your family works will be changing. If he is used to having mommy take him to school, but will now be taken by dad, say so. If one parent will not be living in the same area as the child, explain that visits may be few and far between.

Be sure to listen to your child’s concerns. Try to answer any questions that they have. If they ask you “why?”, try to remember that they aren’t necessarily interested in the differences you are having with your spouse, but they are asking why they have to go through this. Try to answer your child’s statements and questions gently and openly, so that they will feel comfortable coming to you later on when other questions arise.