Infidelity comes in many forms; just ask Bill Clinton. One person’s sexual intercourse is another person’s cyber sex. Infidelity is not always about one partner having sex with a person other than his or her spouse. A non-physical but emotionally charged extra-marital relationship could be just as devastating to the faithful partner. It can also be harder to understand and mentally process than if it were a comparatively simple matter of a one-night stand or a vacation fling. Whether or not a marriage survives infidelity depends greatly on how strong the marriage was before the event and also on how much each spouse wants to remain in the relationship.

Once a spouse enters into a new association with another person, it has to be asked if the other person means anything. Remaining in a marriage physically while being distant emotionally does not amount to surviving infidelity. While the words ‘a lost cause’ seem harsh and cruel, it’s worth investigating the undercurrents of the marital relationship to determine whether it can be saved. Counselling can help both parties to work out if they do truly still love each other and if the infidelity was a symptom of issues that can be resolved between them.

Sadly, infidelity sometimes happens when the faithful partner believes everything is going beautifully. In fact, the very nature of the infidelity causes the unfaithful partner to feel good about him or herself, so much so that it injects contentment into other areas of life. When the extra-marital affair is discovered, it can be a crushing blow to the person who had no reason to believe that such a thing would occur.

In journalism, they say the first casualty of war is truth. In relationships, the first casualty of infidelity is trust. A marriage is a relationship built on trust, acceptance, honesty and love. They are like the four walls of a house and if one were to fall, the others would be weakened. Infidelity is a gross abuse of trust and it can be difficult to ever know again, if the unfaithful partner is telling the truth. His or her every move may be questioned and no matter how he or she pleads to be taken at face value, resentment may grow to a point where separation is inevitable.

If the marriage is to survive, the faithful partner needs and deserves patience and compassion. There needs to be proof that the extra-marital relationship is well and truly over and the reasons why should be spelled out. It becomes the unfaithful partner’s job to convince his or her spouse that he or she is genuine in the wish to be reconciled. Any slip-up in this path to repairing the relationship can be a huge setback.

Infidelity can feel like a death in the family has occurred. When the person you have shared your life, family and bed with betrays you, it can cause a crush to dignity, self-worth and self-esteem. Ultimately, the decision as to whether the marriage is worth saving is up to the betrayed person.

Posted in Relationships

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