If you are about to become a step parent to a preteen then you certainly have your work cut out for you. You could be one of the lucky ones and the preteen adores you and loves the fact that you are marrying her biological parent. But, more than likely this wont be the case and you will have to figure out how to woo her and bond with her, something many step parents simply arent up for. Also, you will need to understand that your preteen stepchild is not your actual child. She is your partners biological child and you should take your cues from your spouse as to how you should treat her, discipline her, and the like. In addition, your step child will guide you and show you what she feels comfortable with and what she doesnt. A few of the things you should consider when you have a new preteen stepchild are the following. Affection If you are a very affectionate person keep in mind that your new preteen might not be. You dont want to cross any lines by being too affectionate yet you dont wan to turn a cold shoulder either. The best thing to do in this situation is gauge what feels right to you and what your new preteen is willing to accept. You certainly dont want to go over the limit and make your preteen feel uncomfortable or awkward so start off slow. Then, as your preteen warms up to you dont be bashful to put an arm around her shoulders or something of the sort. Your preteen will let you know what she is comfortable with, dont worry. Discipline Disciplining a preteen is something you should discuss with your spouse. Determine how you will handle discipline and what your role is. Once your role has been determined make sure the step child is aware of it and that your spouse plans on backing you up, not to mention that you are comfortable with it. Remember that disciplining a step child will almost always cause some rebellion, but take it in stride. Arguments Remember that as you fill your space as the new spouse to your preteen stepchilds biological parent there will be plenty of drama filled moments and arguments. The best way to handle arguments is to sit down and talk it out. Dont scream at your stepchild or treat her poorly. Instead, explain that you love her parent and want to make them both happy. Do your best to calm the child when she is ready and then talk about her feelings and what you can do in the future to respect them. This will get you much further than a screaming match and will likely reduce arguments later on as well.

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